Thanks for sharing your story. You said something that struck me as a very keen observation, although I wasn't sure if I should laugh or weep in response:
"The 'never doubted it since' sentiment is sometimes expressed for this kind of [identifiable] conversion but often, these souls continue 'getting saved' at regular intervals, every two to three years or so."
I didn't personally grow up in a believing home, but for those who do, my sense is that having a single, clear-cut conversion experience is fairly rare. Sometimes we perceive God's light like a sunrise, coming on so slowly we can barely perceive the change. But that image isn't quite right either because the sun rises steadily. Meanwhile, our growing understanding of God can also include setbacks and unexpected periods of doubt.
In any case, thank you for sharing. I hope this blesses and encourages many.
I think we would be better off as Christians focusing on what the signs of conversion are versus the conversion experience. Because the experience is often as unique as there are people. Our Puritan spiritual forebears understood this, I think. A slow dawning, as you described it, is often quite accurate. Especially for those raised in the faith rather than coming to the faith without any childhood background in church.
My lack of awareness of my salvation moment may mirror yours. I didn’t have your experience of anxiety, and I’m grateful both for that and for your deliverance from it. When I have been asked, “When were you saved?” I have usually answered, “On a hill outside of Jerusalem 2,000 years ago.”
I can relate to a lot of this - definitely prayed the prayer a second time after getting saved in the living room with my mom at age four. Also had several “rededicate your life to Jesus” moments at sleep-away summer camps. 🤪 My faith crisis came in college with lots of Big Questions. God never really gave me the answers I wanted; instead, He gave me Himself. That truly is the kindest thing He can do for us. Thank you for sharing!
By the grace of God, you went through all of that doubt and came out the other side. Now others who are struggling with doubt can read your words and be encouraged. Thank you for your transparency. God is Good!
I'm fairly new to substack and far from an expert on how it works. I happened to see an excerpt of your testimony you'd shared somewhere (?🤷♀️?) and it interested me so I managed to find your complete testimony here.
I'm so glad I did! Like you, my earliest conversion story I remember is following a prayer led by my mom for Jesus to "come into my heart" and save me from my sins. I was probably 4 or 5. Many times I prayed that prayer again and again as a child then pre -teen "just in case" I'd done it wrong before or maybe I didn't really mean it enough before. I mean, wasn't Jesus living in my heart supposed to mean that I felt something and that I would be a "new creation"? So why did I still feel like the same old Starlene, never good enough?
It wasn't until after I'd walked away from my faith for a couple years yet God patiently drawing me back, that I was finally able to comprehend that my salvation wasn't dependent on ME and that my imperfections weren't proof that it hadn't "worked" for me. While I AM a new creation, I will not be fully perfected until this life is over and, for now, I am BEING sanctified but not yet finished.
Obviously, my experience is quite different from yours but I still appreciate the honesty of your testimony and your willingness to share. I know it will bring hope and understanding to many who hear or read it. It is beautiful to hear a story of someone who didn't allow doubts and hurts and long, drawn-out challenges to disintegrate her faith.
I’m so glad you found your way here and were encouraged by what you read! My hope is that my story can help those going through what I went through get to the other side of doubt faster than I did.
Thanks for sharing! I was saved at an early age also, and even though I have always had vivid memories of the experience, I spent probably ten years or more plagued by agonizing doubts. After the fact, it is the most beautiful thing to know that salvation is entirely of God’s grace. I’m thankful for how He’s worked in our lives. :)
Thank you so much for your testimony; I pray God uses it to help others. Especially since so many claim anxiety over themselves today. Anxiety/fear is a sin, or it can come from demonic harassment; and this is why we must capture our thoughts (and rebuke the devil away from us). We only have two choices: belief or unbelief. Satan came to kill, steal, destroy; but bless Jesus for His gift of abundant life; for bringing you through! Bless your parents too for raising you in a Christian home. So thankful for your obedience and sharing.
Hi, Amanda's husband Jonathon here :) I'm sure you'll hear from her, but I wanted to chime in and thank you for sharing.
Something you said got my attention: "I still struggle with loving my neighbor. I have no real hope for the truly indoctrinated left/woke/prog/dem's. There are some neighbors out here in the sticks where I live who are so hateful. I pray for them often. I really, really struggle with Islam. Not sure what God wants me to do with that... still working it out."
I was raised a homeschooler (oldest of six), my dad was the pastor of the local southern baptist church, and we were the most un-cool people in a town of 250. So, I totally can relate. Everyone was related to everyone else, so it seemed, and once you made one person mad you had the whole town to deal with (so it seemed). Lots and lots of hatefulness toward our family. Miraculously, he stuck out that situation for not less than 12 years.
Then when COVID happened, I realized that we now live in a world where our next door neighbor just might turn us in to the authorities for not going along with the program just as soon as they would look at us. This meant two things: knowing your neighbors was now more important than ever, and one could no longer assume that you would have community with the people you live with. I began to quip cheekily but seriously, that "I would not be sharing any of my rations in the gulag with anyone that collaborated with the enemy."
When the self-righteous man asks Jesus, "and WHO is my neighbor??" Jesus gave the most unexpected answer, that it is the person near you who you hate. That is your neighbor. This can only be done by his power and by following his example (Philippines 2). Of course, this does not exclude taking responsible precautions to protect one's own family, including being armed. Even by resisting one who determines to do evil, one can demonstrate love for that person.
We do hope to get to know our neighbors better. I suspect we will find many genuinely neighborly people.
I also have some hope for even the vilest on the left. No one is too sinful for God to save. And who would have expected to see people like Russell Brand come to Christ?
If we ever lose sight of this, we are "blind and short-sighted, having forgotten our own purification from our former sins" (II Peter 1:9). The expression of sin may be different, but the nature of sin itself is universal and in no way is any person a more corrupt sinner than another—human depravity is universal.
So I am Orthodox and one of the many things I love about Orthodoxy is the wisdom of the church fathers and our spiritual fathers. My priest said when I asked about loving people that hate me, and forgiving them, “it isn’t about what you feel. Feelings are shaped by our ego. It is about what you do. Be kind, be gracious and don’t respond in kind”. That is what faithfulness to Christ is. You do despite of you, but what Christ asks you to do.
Thanks for sharing your story. You said something that struck me as a very keen observation, although I wasn't sure if I should laugh or weep in response:
"The 'never doubted it since' sentiment is sometimes expressed for this kind of [identifiable] conversion but often, these souls continue 'getting saved' at regular intervals, every two to three years or so."
I didn't personally grow up in a believing home, but for those who do, my sense is that having a single, clear-cut conversion experience is fairly rare. Sometimes we perceive God's light like a sunrise, coming on so slowly we can barely perceive the change. But that image isn't quite right either because the sun rises steadily. Meanwhile, our growing understanding of God can also include setbacks and unexpected periods of doubt.
In any case, thank you for sharing. I hope this blesses and encourages many.
I think we would be better off as Christians focusing on what the signs of conversion are versus the conversion experience. Because the experience is often as unique as there are people. Our Puritan spiritual forebears understood this, I think. A slow dawning, as you described it, is often quite accurate. Especially for those raised in the faith rather than coming to the faith without any childhood background in church.
My lack of awareness of my salvation moment may mirror yours. I didn’t have your experience of anxiety, and I’m grateful both for that and for your deliverance from it. When I have been asked, “When were you saved?” I have usually answered, “On a hill outside of Jerusalem 2,000 years ago.”
That is a very good answer.
I can relate to a lot of this - definitely prayed the prayer a second time after getting saved in the living room with my mom at age four. Also had several “rededicate your life to Jesus” moments at sleep-away summer camps. 🤪 My faith crisis came in college with lots of Big Questions. God never really gave me the answers I wanted; instead, He gave me Himself. That truly is the kindest thing He can do for us. Thank you for sharing!
And that is what we most need. Thanks for reading!
I'm so thankful that the LORD answered our prayers for you and delivered you from that horrible anxiety.
By the grace of God, you went through all of that doubt and came out the other side. Now others who are struggling with doubt can read your words and be encouraged. Thank you for your transparency. God is Good!
That’s my hope: that people going through the same thing can get to the other side a little faster than I did.
GLORY.
Yes! Praise God, and thank you for reading.
I'm fairly new to substack and far from an expert on how it works. I happened to see an excerpt of your testimony you'd shared somewhere (?🤷♀️?) and it interested me so I managed to find your complete testimony here.
I'm so glad I did! Like you, my earliest conversion story I remember is following a prayer led by my mom for Jesus to "come into my heart" and save me from my sins. I was probably 4 or 5. Many times I prayed that prayer again and again as a child then pre -teen "just in case" I'd done it wrong before or maybe I didn't really mean it enough before. I mean, wasn't Jesus living in my heart supposed to mean that I felt something and that I would be a "new creation"? So why did I still feel like the same old Starlene, never good enough?
It wasn't until after I'd walked away from my faith for a couple years yet God patiently drawing me back, that I was finally able to comprehend that my salvation wasn't dependent on ME and that my imperfections weren't proof that it hadn't "worked" for me. While I AM a new creation, I will not be fully perfected until this life is over and, for now, I am BEING sanctified but not yet finished.
Obviously, my experience is quite different from yours but I still appreciate the honesty of your testimony and your willingness to share. I know it will bring hope and understanding to many who hear or read it. It is beautiful to hear a story of someone who didn't allow doubts and hurts and long, drawn-out challenges to disintegrate her faith.
I’m so glad you found your way here and were encouraged by what you read! My hope is that my story can help those going through what I went through get to the other side of doubt faster than I did.
Thanks for sharing! I was saved at an early age also, and even though I have always had vivid memories of the experience, I spent probably ten years or more plagued by agonizing doubts. After the fact, it is the most beautiful thing to know that salvation is entirely of God’s grace. I’m thankful for how He’s worked in our lives. :)
Thank you so much for your testimony; I pray God uses it to help others. Especially since so many claim anxiety over themselves today. Anxiety/fear is a sin, or it can come from demonic harassment; and this is why we must capture our thoughts (and rebuke the devil away from us). We only have two choices: belief or unbelief. Satan came to kill, steal, destroy; but bless Jesus for His gift of abundant life; for bringing you through! Bless your parents too for raising you in a Christian home. So thankful for your obedience and sharing.
Thank you for reading!!
I relate deeply to your testimony and I thank you so much for taking the time to share!!
Thank you for reading!
Thank you amanda!!
Thank you!
Hi, Amanda's husband Jonathon here :) I'm sure you'll hear from her, but I wanted to chime in and thank you for sharing.
Something you said got my attention: "I still struggle with loving my neighbor. I have no real hope for the truly indoctrinated left/woke/prog/dem's. There are some neighbors out here in the sticks where I live who are so hateful. I pray for them often. I really, really struggle with Islam. Not sure what God wants me to do with that... still working it out."
I was raised a homeschooler (oldest of six), my dad was the pastor of the local southern baptist church, and we were the most un-cool people in a town of 250. So, I totally can relate. Everyone was related to everyone else, so it seemed, and once you made one person mad you had the whole town to deal with (so it seemed). Lots and lots of hatefulness toward our family. Miraculously, he stuck out that situation for not less than 12 years.
Then when COVID happened, I realized that we now live in a world where our next door neighbor just might turn us in to the authorities for not going along with the program just as soon as they would look at us. This meant two things: knowing your neighbors was now more important than ever, and one could no longer assume that you would have community with the people you live with. I began to quip cheekily but seriously, that "I would not be sharing any of my rations in the gulag with anyone that collaborated with the enemy."
When the self-righteous man asks Jesus, "and WHO is my neighbor??" Jesus gave the most unexpected answer, that it is the person near you who you hate. That is your neighbor. This can only be done by his power and by following his example (Philippines 2). Of course, this does not exclude taking responsible precautions to protect one's own family, including being armed. Even by resisting one who determines to do evil, one can demonstrate love for that person.
We do hope to get to know our neighbors better. I suspect we will find many genuinely neighborly people.
I also have some hope for even the vilest on the left. No one is too sinful for God to save. And who would have expected to see people like Russell Brand come to Christ?
If we ever lose sight of this, we are "blind and short-sighted, having forgotten our own purification from our former sins" (II Peter 1:9). The expression of sin may be different, but the nature of sin itself is universal and in no way is any person a more corrupt sinner than another—human depravity is universal.
So I am Orthodox and one of the many things I love about Orthodoxy is the wisdom of the church fathers and our spiritual fathers. My priest said when I asked about loving people that hate me, and forgiving them, “it isn’t about what you feel. Feelings are shaped by our ego. It is about what you do. Be kind, be gracious and don’t respond in kind”. That is what faithfulness to Christ is. You do despite of you, but what Christ asks you to do.