Things You Should Not Do...

...when you're having a bad day.

Normally, I write my weekly Monday newsletter on Sunday afternoon. Today is Friday, and I find myself writing this today instead of Sunday because my body decided I wasn’t going to get to anything on my ten-point “to do” list. After hobbling about like an 80-year-old all morning and trying to find my way through a brain fog as thick as pea soup, I just couldn’t push myself any more and have been laying in bed since 2:30ish. I did mention that I thought another oxalate dump was around the corner last newsletter, and I think it’s upon me. That, and possibly combined with sudden barometric pressure changes. The wind is wailing and moaning around the house this evening in frightful fashion.

In short, it has been a bad day with all the particular temptations a bad day can bring. A bad day is not the worst thing. The worst thing is all the self-imposed misery I tend to heap upon myself when I’m having a bad day. In the immortal words of Captain Jack Sparrow:

I also quite like, “But where has all the rum gone?” a good bit, too. But that’s beside the point.

First, there is the frustration. I have a million and one things that need to be done around this house, and I do not have the capacity to do any of them. I had also planned to work on an Easter dress I promised my little niece, but clearly that’s not happening either.

Then there’s the “what if I keep feeling this bad tomorrow?” or “what if this isn’t an oxalate dump like I think and my Lyme is reactivated?” or “what if my next batch of biscuits has that weird flavor the one this morning had and I can’t make good biscuits ever again?” That last one sounds ridiculous, but it’s a vivid illustration of the stupid stuff my brain can jump on when I’m exhausted in mind and body.

Then there’s the tendency to focus on the current discomfort to the point that it’s all I can think about, which adds misery to misery.

I’m going to give you some advice, and you should listen to what I say, because I’m an expert on the subject of bad days. Don’t believe me? Do you want me to list all the things that hurt today? I didn’t think so. So…no excuses. Just listen. Below is the definitive list of things you should NOT do.

Don’t focus on what you can’t do

Focus on what you CAN do and do that instead. This sounds obvious, but one can fail to see the obvious on a bad day. I have spent hours of my life inwardly raging about the things I was not getting done, which was a waste of time and energy. It didn’t get anything done and made me more miserable and more unpleasant to be around. And it kept me busy being miserable instead of doing things that were within my grasp. For instance, today I’m writing this newsletter two days early instead of focusing on the unfinished laundry, the dishes waiting in the sink and the half cut out Easter dress waiting in my sewing room upstairs. Hopefully, I can tackle those things tomorrow with gusto, knowing that at least my newsletter is done.

Don’t entertain hypotheticals

Another one of my favorite movie quotes comes from the movie True Grit. “I do not entertain hypotheticals. The world as it is is vexing enough.” “What ifs” are hypotheticals. Unless your “what if” thought is followed by something delightful like “What if there’s a planet out there made entirely of ice cream?”, toss it out and refuse to ask the question. “What ifs” are unanswerable questions—invitations for your mind to obsess and worry. Give them no quarter. Instead, do something that you enjoy if at all possible. For instance, after I finish writing this newsletter, I’m going to take the opportunity to do some hand sewing in bed. I’ve been denying myself this pleasure for a long while because I had more important, more urgent things to do. But since I can’t do those urgent things right now, I’m going to do the hand sewing and enjoy it immensely.

Don’t obsess on the bad

This also seems logical, but isn’t so easy, especially if you’re in pain. I get it. But if you give way to obsessesing, it will only make you feel much worse. When my little brother was a toddler, he cut himself while playing. He wailed and wailed while Mom cleaned the cut and put some medicine on it, then he was okay and off to play. Until…he looked down an hour later, saw the cut, and started wailing again. This repeated many times throughout the day. I sometimes think that’s how I must look to God when I start obsessing about how bad I’m feeling. “Stop looking at it!” is what I wanted to shout at my brother back then. If only we would all take that advice. If only we would obsess on the good.

I know I tend to harp on giving thanks a lot, but it’s because it’s so important. It’s a way to get our minds out of a dark hole, looking around at all the good God has heaped on us and then praising Him for it. It’s the best anti-depressent and anxiolytic out there. Plus, there are no side effects. In essence, giving thanks is obsessing on the good. And perhaps, as it seems to be a much harder thing to do than obsessing on the bad, it’s the thing most needed.

Those are all the thoughts I’ve got for you today as my head and neck are paining me! Time for some mindless sewing.

As usual, I’ll be sending out Chapter 6 of The Pursuit of Elizabeth Millhouse on Wednesday morning at 7:00 AM! Consider updating your subscription from free to paid so you can also listen along and help me get the novel back in print.

That’s all for now. Until next time, folks….