Gratitude Beats New Year's Resolutions

Gratitude will get you much farther than grandiose promises.

I don’t put any stock in New Years resolutions. Never have. I don’t know if that’s a peculiar quirk of my cranky self, or if it’s more common than I think. If I decide to do a thing, I tend to just do it and not wait until a particular date to make a resolution about it.

For instance, about three years ago, I decided my weight had gotten entirely out of hand and I set about a program of intermittent fasting to get rid of it…right before the Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year’s festivities. And for two years in a row, I lost weight over the holidays instead of gaining weight! (This year was the first exception to that rule and I gained about four pounds due to a lapse in my fasting schedule. No biggie. I know how to lose it again.)

What I mean is, resolutions don’t do much for me. What spurs me on to higher and greater things seems to be…gratitude.

Jonathon and I recently celebrated our eighth wedding anniversary and Jonathon surprised me with a mini vacation to the quiet little town of Hot Springs, NC. We rented a little cabin up in the mountains and spent our time there doing the things we like the most—making zero plans and itineraries, eating, playing games, watching movies, reading books, walking, and talking. There was a very, very old cemetery in the woods across from our cabin and that was a fascinating walk. We went from headstone to headstone through the woods, each one leading us on. I couldn’t help but reflect on the beauty of old bones intertwined with the roots of old trees.

The owners of the property had also cultivated their little mountain property with a well-maintained trail and some extra little gazebo/pavilion structures. We had fun following the trail down to the creek and staying well away from its quite frigid water!

Anyway, on one of our walks down to the “gratitude gazebo,” we noticed that the owners had tacked up a plaque with a Willie Nelson quote. “When I started counting my blessings, my whole life turned around.”

Nothing propels you forward quite like gratitude. Not even resolutions.

So, let me tell you what I’m grateful for and why. And let me tell you why gratitude has brought more personal growth than making resolutions.

The first thing on my gratitude list these days is always Jonathon. To my way of thinking, my life is divided into three parts: childhood to the age of 13 or 14, BJ (before Jonathon), and AJ (after Jonathon). I have many fond memories of my childhood. But when I think of the BJ era, I get to feeling quite chilly inside. Chilly and foreboding. Particularly the last ten years before I met him. It’s not that nothing bad happened during the AJ era. It did. My health really suffered. There were hard times. It’s just that once we were married, I felt the ground firm up under my feet.

“That’s silly,” you say. “You had Jesus. You’re always standing on solid ground when you have Jesus.”

And that’s true. But sometimes, it doesn’t feel solid at all, because our feelings often do not reflect reality. Sometimes, we begin to see the utter trustworthiness of Jesus shining through a good man in a dark world. And Jonathon is a good man, a rare man anymore.

It’s not that he’s perfect. He has his foibles and faults and sins. But I see Jesus through him, and Jesus is what I see the most. I could focus on his foibles, faults and sins, but I made a habit of ignoring them a long time ago. (Not in any sinful way, of course. The both of us hold each other accountable for our sins and encourage each other to more obedience.) What I mean is that instead of focusing on small things and mountains out of mole hills, I fill up my gratitude list with those things about him that are lovely, true, and beautiful.

He starts washing the dishes without me ever asking. When I’m embroiled and immersed in a project, he reminds me to stop and take my medicine or drink water—often bringing me the medicine and the water himself. He entered this marriage somewhat ambivalent to four-footed beasts of the canine variety and absolutely opposed to them in the house. But without any begging or cajoling on my part, he gave me not one but two dogs. Not only that, he genuinely loves them as much as I do now. He thinks sardines are disgusting, but he doesn’t complain when I eat them and won’t hear of me taking my snack outside to avoid the smell, even though I’ve offered to do so. He loves surprising me with things he knows I love. He knows what I love! Do you know how rare this is? So many men haven’t a clue what to do for their wives at Christmas time, much less any other special occasion. But Jonathon always knows what I would like, because he is a student of me. He was a student of me from the moment he first had designs upon me. He looked at every single Facebook post of mine from the day I first started an account to the day we met. He read every single thing I ever wrote and published. Some fools call that creepy. But I call it smart. He knows me. He knows what makes my heart jump for joy. He knows what brings me low. And he never uses that information against me. Never. Not once. He only uses it to delight or call me to better things.

And so…these are the things I focus on. These are the things I thank God for about my husband. But I don’t keep them to myself. I tell Jonathon that I’m grateful for these things. I let my gratitude overflow.

And, here’s what I’m trying to get at: Because I have such gratitude for him and towards him, I am a better wife. I could make all kinds of resolutions about being a better wife, but they wouldn’t stick if I didn’t genuinely admire him. And if I weren’t almost obsessively focused on all of his lovely qualities while putting aside his foibles and faults as the chaff that will inevitably slough off as he grows and matures in Christ—I wouldn’t genuinely admire him.

This gratitude from me and the encouragement I do my utmost to lavish on him becomes even more motivation for him to lavish his affection back on me…and the most lovely positive feedback loop ensues. We both blossom in this environment. That’s how marriage is supposed to work.

But I have seen the reverse. I have seen women married to princes among men, and men married to princesses among women. The whole world can see that the person they have is special and lovely and good for them. But they can’t, because they have no gratitude. Instead, they’ve nurtured nitpicking, criticism without grace, sour grapes, and focusing on the one or two qualities their spouse doesn’t have. The more the one criticizes, the less hope the other has of ever pleasing. And so begins the law of diminishing returns. Both people wilt at the vine.

Gracious. All that from only the first thing on my gratitude list. I could go on about the other things and how the same mechanism makes my life go round:

• Argos and Bob

• The sunshine in the morning

• My increasing health gains

• My finished manuscript

• All of you right here, reading this right now…

Yes, even you are on my gratitude list. But that might multiply this newsletter by five and become too long. I think you grasp my point, though. And I hope this idea comes back to you from day to day when you’re about your work, or interacting with your family.

We hiked up to Max Patch on the NC/TN border on our way back home. It was steep, muddy and tiring but completely worth the spectacular view.

But I am not quite finished giving thanks. Last week, two more subscribers upgraded from free to paid! This is so helpful to me as there will be many expenses involved with getting this book in the right hands—travel costs, printing costs, etc…

So, I want thank my mother-in-law, Janet Hill, and a new friend from church, Dawn Whitt, for becoming paid subscribers 8 and 9. I hope you greatly enjoy reading your pre-published copy of 27!

I have decided to extend my invitation to read 27 before it’s published to all paid subscribers a little while longer. Here’s how you can get your hands on a copy:

Upgrade your subscription from free to paid. I’ll email you to get your mailing address and then send you a preview copy of 27 in the mail along with a prepaid return mailing label. You’ll have a chance to read the book and then send it back with personal feedback. I’d love to hear your thoughts and impressions about the book!

That’s all for now. Until next time, folks…